🌻The fine line between vulnerability and TMI

On sharing and over-sharing on the Internet

Hi friends! 

I’ve gotta be honest with you… I’m still recovering from last week’s post. I sat down to write this week and just… sigh. 

That was definitely more personal details of my life than I’m used to sharing (and I’m fairly used to sharing.) Meanwhile I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the power of letting yourself be vulnerable for a moment, of leaning into that discomfort in order to have deeper conversations and get to know people better.

But where’s the line between “being open and vulnerable” and TMI? 

Andy (my husband) mentioned to me the other day, after I wrote up the story of how we met, that he’s “a very private person.” After my initial “huh?” I remembered he’s not even on social media anymore. He’s great at sharing, in-person, with people he’s actually personally connected with. But he’s not going to post about it online.

Meanwhile I’m over here happily using the internet to keep up with a lifetime of friends and acquaintances. I love seeing my friends’ Instagram stories about what they did yesterday, and I love seeing the weddings and babies and travels of long-lost friends on Facebook. 

Of course, I’ve seen my fair share of social posts (usually on Facebook) that I thought were over-shares. Or that I judged (sorry) for coming across as blatantly attention-seeking. 

I don’t know why this blog feels different to me. It feels more intentional than just ranting about my problems in a Facebook post. Does that make it any better?

Of course, nobody has ever downright told me something I wrote was TMI. I keep waiting for someone to be like, “yikes, I can’t believe you shared that with the whole internet!” Instead, I’ll tell you something that I think is my deepest darkest secret that I am deeply ashamed of, and all anyone says is “heck yes, me too!” or “THANK YOU for saying what we’ve all been thinking.” 

Well, OK then.

Definitely the more personal the post, the more you all like it, and the more personal responses I get in return (which I love). 

Wudan Yan, journalist and freelance mentor, shared an article on LinkedIn the other day: “Sorry, the Writer of Your Favorite Newsletter Isn’t Your Friend.” It tells the story of how a writer of a newsletter with over 10,000 subscribers started getting too-personal interactions from people she didn’t know, which made her so uncomfortable that she shut it down. Not personal like weird, just personal like, people interacting with her as if they were actually friends. Asking for favors, looking for support, and the like.

Wudan commented: Sonia's latest encapsulates a lot of the weirdness I feel when people I don't [know] come up to me in professional settings and go: "I know you! Well, everyone does," or "you're like a celebrity to me." Newsletters, podcasts, social media — the entire internet — plays a role in how these parasocial relationships get formed. And honestly, these comments aren't flattering to me. They're unnerving.

Maybe it’s because my newsletter is intentionally personal or just my personality, but if someone I didn’t know came up to me and said “I know you! You’re like a celebrity to me!” I’m pretty sure I would be (well, besides incredibly surprised, lol) absolutely honored. 

[OK quick side story of a time this didn’t happen: I was invited to speak at the Fourth Annual Van Andel Institute Graduate School Career Day (Grand Rapids, MI, March 2020). A student came up to me and said something like, “Wow! Dr. Funk! I was so excited when I saw your name on the board!” and I was absolutely floored — a fan?? Do they know my work?? Maybe they know me from Twitter?? Then when I was about to start asking follow-up questions, they said, “That’s the coolest name I’ve ever heard! Dr. Funk. Truly a great name.” Oh. LOL. I think about this interaction regularly 😆] 

So anyway. 

I guess this is all to say: I’m leaning in. Here’s to being vulnerable!

Your challenge for the week is to share something with someone that you haven’t shared before (or lately). Maybe don’t start with the internet, I recommend starting with someone who you’re actually close to. 

As for what to share, I got a lot out of talking about the thing I was most stuck on. I recently read: “What does your mind wander to when there’s nothing else you’re supposed to be thinking about?” Lately (and for a long time) I’ve been stuck on my own physical or mental health. What are you stuck on?

So here’s my encouragement to be vulnerable. It hasn’t backfired for me yet. Tell your people what’s really rattling around in that ol’ brain of yours. Maybe they can help you. Maybe they’re going through it too. Maybe you sharing will actually help them. Who knows! Give it a go. 

If you want, let me know how it turns out. It’s not unnerving to hear from you. 

Good luck.

✌️

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Apparently I didn’t take a single dog photo this past week, which must be a first. So my not-related-to-the-post photo of the week will be my new favorite bookmark, made with love by my girl L.H. We had a girls craft night earlier this week that WAY exceeded expectations, highly recommend. Many friendship bracelets were made, many snacks were eaten for dinner.